Ugly and Swearing
Hi. My name is Adrian Smith. I word. I music.
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Friday, May 16th, 2008
Ten Ways To Improve One's Daily Mood
-Chase a cat. Not violently, just a little game of cat and moron. Attempt to pet the cat by approaching slowly, and when it inevitably runs, follow it briskly until you get bored or the neighbours call the cops. Incessant giggling helps.
-Clean your windshield. Staring through dead bugs and birdshit never makes a commute any easier, but oddly enough when the skies almost look clear and you can plainly see the douche in front of you not using his blinker as he cuts you off, it is a magical feeling.
-Listen to The Life Aquatic soundtrack. It has Mark Mothersbaugh kicking ass and taking names, plus David Bowie songs in French. No further explanation required.
-Get laid / jerk off. Not everybody scores on a daily basis, so if you don't, use the alternative. Jerking off is as easy as a quick trip to any public restroom. Go (touch your) nuts!
-Don't buy gas. Who cares if you run out on the freeway during rush hour? At least you didn't have to rape yourself out of $87 just to get back and forth to work every day in a society designed to keep your home as far away as possible from the only place in a 70 mile radius willing to pay you enough to support said domicile.
-Talk to a bum. You'd be amazed at what they can teach you, if only you gave them a chance.
-Respond to a credit card application by ripping up a terlit paper roll scroll thing and placing it in the envelope to let them now how many times you had to wipe before you could grant them the proper message of how shitty they are.
-Ditch work / class / someone's wedding / parent's funeral. Nobody likes doing the stupid mundane shit they have to do every god damn day anyway, give it a break just this once. Much like chasing a cat, incessant giggling helps here as well.
-Get some bubble wrap, pop the shit out of it. Who doesn't love doing that?
-Read a book, read a book, read a motherfuckin' book. Think to yourself: "when is the last time I read simply for pleasure?" If it has been any longer than 24 hours, then read a book, read a book, read a motherfuckin' book.
Cliffsnotes: Every day you accomplish these things is just one step closer to unexpectedly getting hit by a bus.
Friday, May 16th, 2008
Doozers
California's top court overturns gay marriage ban
By LISA LEFF
Associated Press Writer
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- In a monumental victory for the gay rights movement, the California Supreme Court overturned a voter-approved ban on gay marriage Thursday in a ruling that would allow same-sex couples in the nation's biggest state to tie the knot.
Domestic partnerships are not a good enough substitute for marriage, the justices ruled 4-3 in striking down the ban.
Outside the courthouse, gay marriage supporters cried and cheered as the news spread.
--Associated Press
I have always been a vehement supporter of gay rights, but this scares me. This is just one step closer to an outright ban on two consenting adults enjoying the physical company of one another with absolutely no harm done to anyone in the immediate (read: centillion light year) vicinity, because it moves it up the rung toward The Great Big Pig In The Sky, the US Supreme Court. I doubt an amendment to the US Constitution would ever come into being, but a Supreme Court precedent? Definitely possible. Well, I guess for now this is a victory. Good for them. Let the homos celebrate by buttfucking the hell out of one another.
Speaking of harbingers:
"It is time to turn the page on eight years of policies that have strengthened Iran and failed to secure America or our ally Israel. Instead of tough talk and no action, we need to do what Kennedy, Nixon and Reagan did and use all elements of American power — including tough, principled, and direct diplomacy — to pressure countries like Iran and Syria."
--Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.
Fuck you. I was going to vote for this guy, but what the fuck is that? Hooray, let's have another Bay of Pigs and maybe a second Vietnam with some Star Wars ground in like so much fresh pepper up your nostril. Oh, who am I kidding, like this generation doesn't already have its Vietnam, Star Wars is alive and well, and the Bay of Pigs has been recreated constantly for decades in pipe dreams such as Kurdistan and Palestine. If he would have said Carter or Clinton I might still stick with the dude, but recent history has dubbed the peanut farmer Judas, and siding with the enemy that is The Family CLIN-TON wouldn't be prudent at this current superdelegated juncture. America, ditch this pandering bullshit! Wake up and smell your own festering asshole, you useless fuckwad of a populace. Why the fuck am I still here?
Speaking of people I normally hate:
I almost liked what Bush had to say the other day on that online interview thingy, with his embargo on self-golf, and the solution to the oil problem: drill more or consume less. We all know he'd love to drill one right up ye bum like so many recently married Mens On Film, but his either/or scenario is right.
The problem isn't the cost of gas, but rather the limitless access to debt. We'll keep buying gas, and SUVs, and boats, and dirtbikes, and shit, and fuck, and piss until the credit cards are maxed out, at which point you just apply for another one and begin a Brand New Day (Of Spending). I get multiple offers every week, with another chunk from cards I carry foaming at the mouth for me to cash in on some "balance transfer" checks. Why do they even call them that? I used several in years gone by due to foolish wallet planning on my part, and let me tell you, they don't transfer anything but more debt upon thy head in the form of some "cash" in a blank account to buy more stupid shit I didn't need. It's like the world's most convincing shell game but the huckster wears a tie and hands you a CitiBank card. I would love to see credit cards in their entirety demolished tomorrow, just to witness the sheer panic it would cause by the instantaneous eradication of so many wonderful heretofore privileges we have all grown accustomed to. I still have two plastic prison nametags, which is two too many, but I'm too chicken to give them up completely. What if I need to buy that $9 burrito or the new Sunn O))) album and payday isn't for another 3 days?! I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT THAT LONG!!!
Cliffsnotes: I vastly prefer the blue cover of Far Beyond Driven, but this one makes the point a bit clearer.
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
Hello, I'm a 45-year-old unwed male with a Shakira ringtone.
Cliffsnotes: Hello, I live at the NAMBLA NAMBLA NAMBLA frat house.
Sunday, May 11th, 2008
This is a story, of a man named Thomas Brady.
No it isn't. Anywho, I was feeling sorry for myself the other day BOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING HOOOOOOOOOOOOO so I planned on having this wee image bit put together and saying "sometimes everybody feels like this:" and then going BOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING HOOOOOOOOOOOOO once again, but that's fucking bullshit, so I won't. Anyhow, the image was sort of funny, so I'll do it anyway, with no connection to my own state of being whatsoever:
Also, I did yet another Wold song tonight after witnessing my brand new amp shit itself but rather than calling it FUCK TUBES, I made a wee tribute to Lovecraft with the whole affair. If anybody figures out just what the context of said honouring of The Master of Horror is, there's a pie in for you.
The Wold and The Whale - Reanimation XVII
Fuck, I'm god damn hungry.
Cliffsnotes: Harvey Birdman, hardly bird snatch
Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
Been Caught Feelin'
Been changing diet drastically lately. Been trying to be healthy lately. Been exercising lately. Been drinking a lot less lately. Been FEELING EXCRUTIATING PAIN IN MY UPPER ABDOMEN LATELY. Well, maybe just today, but it did lead to me to spend 6 hours in the ER tonight, including a variety of tests to see if I had gall stones. Conclusion? You're fine. Take some Vicodin, get back on the acid pills, and come back in a week. Fuck that.
So then we went home (The Noush was my taxi/support, and today is our 2nd Anniversary awwwwwwwwwww), and I'm now on a narcotic trying to figure out my problem, on my own as per usual. I think I did. I think I've taken this apple cider vinegar kick too far and have quickly moved it toward The Crutch Stage, wherein I eat what I want once again (such as the other day when I reintroduced spicy foods into my diet, using said ACV to make my stomach realign itself back to reality), and it just kicked me in the teeth reminding me that, unlike the reflux pills, The Way Of The Cidered Vinegar is not to cover up symptoms, but rather alleviate the cause of said problem. Also, that stuff is a diuretic, and as such, I need to compensate by upping my water intake, which I certainly have not been doing. Lessons learned, hopefully. Either that or tomorrow thousands of rabid wasps shoot out my fingertips toward the heavens in V-formation while I caress the naked sun with the bottom of my third foot. Look, I told you I was on Vicodin.
Cliffsnotes: If there was a god, which there isn't, I'd call him a cocksucker.
Monday, May 5th, 2008
Where you going? NOWHERE.
I'm talking about gas. It isn't going to get lower. Maybe once or twice in the shortrun, but getting anywhere remotely close to $3 / gallon is pretty unlikely. It isn't the reserves. It isn't the federal gas tax. It isn't the skyrocketing demand from China and India. It isn't even the oil companies (and we all know I'd love to blame them for this along with every other problem I have including lack of a record deal for my noise project and the occasional impotence mishap). Nope, none of that. Oil is simply running out. Going the way of the buggy whip. Taking a permanent vacation. Buh-bye. Just like the honeybee, although I must admit, most people will quickly panic over gas shortages because they can't drive to the mall anymore, little do they realize that their supermarkets buried deep in suburbia are barren what with the delivery trucks long since ceased operating, and OOPS people were too busy panicking because their televisions all shut down on February 17th, 2009 to realize that all the honeybees of the world are now extinct and there is no natural food to be eaten anyhow. Man, that shit is going to kick all kinds of ass when we have to pull Zombie Life and resort to cannibalism. Three years ago a friend and I planned out how we would survive a zombie invasion, these days I'd rather plot to become Head Zombie so that I get first dibs on celebrity skin. Anywho:
The idea that oil companies are somehow 'to blame' for record oil prices and rising fuel costs is seductive but absurd. For all their power and profits, the international oil companies are in fact in trouble. They may still be swimming in cash, but no longer in oil. Despite vast investment in exploration and production, these days they generally fail to replace the oil they produce each year with fresh discoveries, or even to maintain current levels of output. Shell's oil production has been falling for six years, BP's seems to have peaked 2005, and this week even the mighty Exxon was forced to admit its output dropped 10% in the first quarter of the year.
None of this should come as a surprise since all the evidence now suggests the world is rapidly approaching "peak oil", the point when global oil production goes into terminal decline for fundamental geological reasons. Annual discovery of oil has been falling for over forty years, and now for every barrel we find we consume three. Oil production is already shrinking in 60 of the world's 98 oil producing countries – including Britain, where output peaked in 1999 and has already plunged by more than half. When an individual country peaks it only matters for that country – Britain became a net importer of oil in 2006 – but when global supply starts to shrink the effects could be ruinous for everybody.
--http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?xml=/opinion/2008/05/03/do0311.xml
Not that citing The Daily Telegraph is the best place to learn about Peak Oil, but this article summed up things quite well and would not make a bad place to start one's research. Then again, maybe it is a vast financial plot to artificially keep oil prices high:
In June 2006, oil traded in futures markets at some $60 a barrel and the Senate investigation estimated that some $25 of that was due to pure financial speculation. One analyst estimated in August 2005 that US oil inventory levels suggested WTI crude prices should be around $25 a barrel, and not $60.
That would mean today that at least $50 to $60 or more of today’s $115 a barrel price is due to pure hedge fund and financial institution speculation. However, given the unchanged equilibrium in global oil supply and demand over recent months amid the explosive rise in oil futures prices traded on Nymex and ICE exchanges in New York and London it is more likely that as much as 60% of the today oil price is pure speculation. No one knows officially except the tiny handful of energy trading banks in New York and London and they certainly aren’t talking.
--http://globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=8878
Two conspiracy theories to choose from, hooray! A third bit, something that occasionally creeps me out but is likely not grounded by any form of sciencce, is that oil is somehow the lifeblood of this planet, the purpose of which goes far beyond some basic material consumption need of us lesser forms of filth. Technically speaking, nobody really knows what fossil fuels actually are. The running theory is crushed prehistoric plankton bits aged to sweet, sweet perfection much like a nice brie, but this theory isn't even on the level of nearly factual discussions such as evolution, global warming, and Abbey Road being the most perfect album of all time. The very extraction of such a thing could be upsetting some balance that nobody can comprehend, slowly plunging the very existence of the entire planet into great peril. "...they delved too greedily and too deep, and disturbed that from which they fled, Durin's Bane."
Cliffsnotes: 28 Weeks Later, Barbie Dolls.
Thursday, May 1st, 2008
Happy May Day, Comrades!
"In the United States of America, any sort of independent labor movement was paralyzed so long as slavery disfigured a part of the republic. Labor with a white skin cannot emancipate itself where labor with a black skin is branded. But out of the death of slavery a new vigorous life sprang. The first fruit of the Civil War was an agitation for the 8-hour day – a movement which ran with express speed from the Atlantic to the Pacific, from New England to California."
--Karl Marx
Oh wait, weren't we all taught that Karl Marx was an evil bastard and we are all supposed to hate him? If you believe that then you'll believe this:

Happy 5th, war torn Iraq!
Cliffsnotes: Yes, I had to squeeze that in.
Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
Arthropodrogyny
So I was visiting Grammaw last night, and like she said, "if I'm home, I'm watching TV," hence, I was able to syphon up at least an hour's worth of television news. Other than Cary Berglund bitching about major corporations douching up LA by taking over the names of landmarks, it was a complete waste of time. I even lost a bit of respect for Barack Hussein Obama because he publicly divorced himself from Jeremiah Wright, who, let's fucking face it you idiot fucks, might actually have a good point concerning the imperialist foreign policy of god damn America. The other stuff, and of course the jesus shit, I can possibly do without, but at least he's out there trying to get people to use their empty brains for something other than filling them up with Trix. So anyhow, I didn't begin this tirade to bitch about the news, oh no. It's shit, yes. What else is there to say? Nothing. Done. Out. Gone. So no, not about that. Rather, I'm here to discuss the ridiculous amount of advertising. I really can't afford to watch TV it seems. Actually, not even that. Yes yes, spend spend spend, waste waste waste, nothing new. Again. But this was:
Press Release Source: Mervyn's LLC
Mervyns Mother's Day Sweepstakes Offers to Pay Mom's Bills
Tuesday April 29, 1:58 pm ET
HAYWARD, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Mervyns, a family-friendly department store, announces the We’ll Pay Your Bills sweepstakes to give moms something they can really use this Mother’s Day – financial relief!
Mervyns will offer a chance to win one of the following prizes, which have a total value of more than $30,000:
* Grand prize: Three winners will receive free mortgage or rent for one month
* First prize: Ten winners will receive free utilities for one month
* Second prize: More than one-hundred-fifty winners will receive a $100 gasoline gift card
“Moms have one of the most important jobs in the world, and it usually doesn’t come with a paycheck,” said Susan Mesec, Mervyns senior vice president of marketing. “So to recognize their efforts, Mervyns created the We’ll Pay Your Bills sweepstakes to make this Mother’s Day memorable and ultimately help lighten the financial load for nearly 200 families.”
The promotion is valid April 27 - May 11, 2008. Entry forms will be in Mervyns stores. No purchase is necessary to enter. Winners will be selected on or about May 23, 2008 in a random drawing from eligible entries.
That, combined with this morning's LOL, courtesy Yahoo:
and I'm crapping myself with delight. What was that Bill Hicks used to say? "You FUCKING morons. You FUCKING! MORONS!!!" Oh yeah, this economy grew alright. It grew about as much as Duhbya's tiny little scabbed pecker did this morning when he smelled an Emergency Use Only gerry can accidentally spilling a few drops whilst refueling one of the 12mpg White House Suburbans somewhere out back. How many people do you know that have been laid off over the past 6 months? How many empty industrial buildings do you drive by every day? What did your last tank of gas cost? Seen any Tent Cities / Hoovervilles yet? Saving up for this summer's A/C bill? Fuck him, fuck this, fuck you, and fuck me.
Cliffsnotes: Well I still haven't taken this shit to the streets, when will that tipping point be reached?
Friday, April 25th, 2008
The Big Shit
So I guess the digital TV crap has crapped upon the crapping, or at least is about to crapify everywhere (crappily). Even places like Sears are getting fined by the FCC because they aren't being clear about the forced obsolescence of old skool analogue televisions, and other saps are probably going to shit themselves on February 17th, 2009 when they try to watch Maury on their 40 year old Zenith only to realize the white fuzz screen of death is the only entertainment they might possibly have that day, since all other forms of communcation such as reading, talking, and thinking are long forgotten myths of times since past, the veritable dragons of our age.
To clarify, you're not affected by the DTV transition if you have one of the following:
* A TV with a digital tuner
* A digital-to-analog converter box
* A cable or satellite TV subscription that's not connected straight to your TV set
FURTHER CLARIFICATION:
* Your brainwaves are not melted if you don't watch television.
* It matters fuckall if your TV has not been hooked up to the outside world in 5 years.
Seriously man, I mean come on. Throw away your television. Let the the mindsuck commence elsewhere. Yes I have television and yes it plays arthouse DVDs and of course Simpson and X-files episodes on occasion but nothing else. I guess the internet is nearly as bad what with the but at least this nonsense is somewhat interactive, and, for the most part, requires some semblance of literacy. Even finding porn requires one to successfully type those four magnificient letters strewn together in properly ordered fashion.
Cliffsnotes: I'm going to try out cross-posting this mess in MySpork for a bit. My whole experiment in blogshitting started there in the first place several years ago, so why in the god damn not?
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
Li'l Lisa Slurry
I'm making this survey up so if you don't like the questions blame my overconsumption of apple juice today (and yesterday).
1. Did you ever get to see Alice in Chains live?
No, and I'm still pretty pissed about that. The first concert I ever attended was in 1994 and AiC was on the bill, but had to cancel at the last minute due to the crystal ship not arriving in port on time, or rather too soon, or perhaps not at all. No, it was there I'm sure. Who knows. Either way, I'm listening to their Unplugged album right now. Tis beautiful.
2. When is the last time you read a book?
Ugh, it was weeks ago, when I finished The Hobbit. I currently have a Lovecraft book sitting next to me, which I will consume when I'm done with this here mixtape. I went pretty apeshit with literature last year, this year I appear to be taking a bit of a break. Oh well, the shelves are ripe with desire but willing to wait.
3. Hang on, mix tape? What fucking year is this?
2008, and it is a compilation for someone's iPud. I'm not entirely sure I'm okay with this particular side of modernity, as I believe the singles format has killed the album way of life even moreso than it already was, but at the same time reaching into your pocket and removing a 2 ounce chunk of plastic that contains the entire Frank Zappa and Swans discographies is pretty god damn rad.
4. Frank Zappa was pretty fucking awesome.
This is not a question. This is a statement. A statement of complete and total fact. Proceed.
5. So how about them gas prices?
Oh don't get me started. I already ranted today about how hydrogen fucking cars should be on the front page of every automobile section of any magazine, newspaper, and website imaginable until the infrastructure to support such a thing stretches from sea to shining sea to shining sea to shining sea. Am I wrong?
6. Well no, but you are talking to yourself. Again. Schizophrenia much?
Look, we're all a little crazy. I'm no worse than anybody reading this most likely. Perhaps.
7. Yes, perhaps. Anyhow, see any good movies lately?
I watched Reality Bites for the first time tonight. I quite enjoyed it. I found myself incredibly attracted to Wynona Rider for one of the first times ever upon viewing her person in said role. Must've been her amazing acting abilities (ah, alliteration).
8. Does '90s retro schtick make you feel old yet?
As of just tonight, yes. Never realized how quite cliche my generation back then really was: "My flannel itches and the job market sucks, let's go to The Gap and buy identical pants." Although I'm not sure what the '00s might bring in retrospect, probably mostly because a few years ago I stopped paying attention to mainstream anything and started dressing like it was 1972.
9. What about music? Anything catch your fancy as of late?
Today involved Dax Riggs, the Rolling Stones, and Carcass. I still have my first Residents album waiting for me on the speaker, have had it for weeks but have not yet involved myself unto such things. The new Meshuggah is pretty fucking killer, very catchy for them. Somehow reminds me of the last Negura Bunget album, in that it is still very much the band we have all come to know and love, but at the same time an accessibility has been reached that doesn't lack anything in terms of sheer artistic vision. I love it when that happens, but the border betwixt is fraught with despair. Also the new Silver Mt. Zion is pretty good, only listened to once and was shocked at the rock sensibilities, but I am very much looking forward to further discovery.
10. Are you doing this just to satisfy your own strange desire to have an imaginary friend, much like when you were younger and rather than manifesting some other being to associate yourself with upon finding one lacking in corporeal friends, simply made audio recordings of you (forgive the pun) playing with yourself?
It's possible, pig.
11. Fine. What is your favourite beverage?
Currently, apple cider vinegar, straight up unfiltered fire breathing swill. I took acid reflux pills for ten years, ten fucking years, and a small amount of this a handful of times a day completely cures it. Fuck modern medicine!
12. You seem angry. Are you angry?
Fuckin' A.
13. How much longer do you plan on carrying out this fiasco?
I believe the last Alice in Chains disc is nearing completion of uploading into iToonz, and when that is done, so am I. Ah, there we have it. So it goes.
Cliffsnotes: GET ON WITH IT!!!
Saturday, April 5th, 2008
god Damn The Pusher Man
The drug companies are making me sick. This is a society where symptoms are covered up rather than causes treated, all to the tune of The Almighty Dwindling Fucking Dollar. There's no reason to beat around the bush and try to pretend otherwise, this is factual, much like the concurrent bi-raping that the oil companies wreak upon our daily lives. Check the profit margins, it really is that simple:
omg
wtf
My girlfriend and I have both had our completely unrelated and wholly different health problems for around 10 years. This entire time, our symptoms have been distorted and pushed to the side via coverup propaganda, in the form of prescription medication. She stopped taking her drugs several months ago, and, despite her thoughts to the contrary, I know her condition has improved immensely. So now it is my turn, to remove the clutches the drug grasp has held upon me for a decade. This is Day Three, and other than some Withdrawal Symptoms in the form of Jetstream Diarrhea, things are going pretty well. I hope this continues. Well, not the diarrhea. I could do without that.
Somewhat related, I think I'm starting to realize that recreational drugs are not always conducive to a creative mind. Yes, there are some brilliant examples of heavily dosed individuals, but personally speaking, I've never had as much output as I have had than over the past two years, which have not been nearly as booze-drenched that the prior 8 years were, when I was most concerned about partying and working just enough to afford said partying. Even the secondary substances I once enjoyed (caffeine, nicotine, THC) have all but disappeared from my repertoire. Perhaps going xXxStraightedgExXx isn't as idiotic as once assumed.
The next step is to create something of actual quality, instead of the usual half-written drivel I refer to as songs and rants. Good luck with that.
Cliffsnotes: I like how this boog is immediately followed by a picture of me with 16 empty beer bottles. The world is not yet perfect, and I fit right in.
Monday, March 31st, 2008
American Made Imports
The tours were frequently interrupted as Hoon spent time in rehab or jail as his already serious drug use increased and his behavior became more bizarre. In 1993, Hoon was arrested for indecent exposure after he stripped naked onstage and urinated on a fan at a show in Vancouver.
I took a 4-day weekend and now I'm sitting here at work thinking "...oh yeah," and it sorta sucks. I got pretty incoherent on Saturday, for the first time in many many months. In fact it may have been 6 months ago or longer since I got that trashed. It was worth it:
I have absolutely no recollection of that picture being taken, but it must have been at the end of the night due to the glass of water in hand. I only drank about half of those beers too, but yesterday required watching about 5 hours of X-files instead of accomplishing anything remotely productive. Which reminds me, here is the reason my britches are currently becoming polluted with delight:
Also this past Friday I played my first Awesome Venue show, at The Whisky in Los Angeles, which was also the first Avolition show ever:
Finally saw Phantom of the Opera for the first time last week, which was pretty god damn amazing. Unrelated, but I feel not the urge to begin a new paragraph even: tomorrow begins a change of life for me. I've suffered acid reflux bullshit for a decade, and I am now less than one year away from the big Three Zero. I've lost somewhere between 10 to 15 pounds over the past year without much effort, so if I actually do or do not (there is no try), I should be able to drop the next 10 to 15 easily. If this means I have to give up my favourite things such as beer, cheese, and hookers, well then SO BE IT!
Cliffsnotes: cat poop, cat soup.
Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
Fries of March
Fun crapola a-happenin' right now. Avolition demo has been mastered, and while certainly not perfect, it sounds pretty good. I'm debating on making this my excuse to purchase the necessary recording gear to do my own stuff, but I'm not sure I want to invest in a bunch of crap I may only use a couple of times. You know, sort of like my last custom bass which I never play. Idiot. Anyhow, rather than upload more mp3s that nobody will listen to, a link to the band's MyShit page is now at the top of this mess. Not to get too heavy into numbers, I'm technically part of four projects right now: one band, one duo thing that is eternally delayed, and two distinct solo projects. Ridiculous. Also, poirkf.
In closing, a few remarks concerning the stupidity of the US economy right now:
The central bank is an institution of the most deadly hostility existing against the Principles and form of our Constitution. I am an Enemy to all banks discounting bills or notes for anything but Coin. If the American People allow private banks to control the issuance of their currency, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the People of all their Property until their Children will wake up homeless on the continent their Fathers conquered.
--Thomas Jefferson

Cliffsnotes: FAWK OWFF!!!
Monday, March 17th, 2008
god damn busy
Been busy with life lately, no time for ranting, raving, and ye olde verbal heart attack. Have a few Borks in the works, but that whole section is completely fucked it seems, at least for the time being.
Fuckit: the first Avolition demo was recorded on Saturday, to be mastered this Tuesday. Got to use my phaser, chorus, and Blue Berry pedals even. Yay.
Last night, during a bout of insomnia, I finally started my noishit project. The name I am using is The Wold and the Whale to keep it separate from the Farewell, Shootka! unsense. Four songs completed around 3am this morning, the next three this current evening:
Consternation I
Conflagration II
Emancipation III
Indiscretion IV
Alliteration V
Interpolation VI
Formication VII
Seems okay so far. We'll see what happens. I'll do an actual separate page for this endeavour at a later time. Whee!
Cliffsnotes: I totally changed this one 14 hours later, LOL @ USD.
(originally posted on MyShit)
Wendesday, March 5th, 2008
WTF
This is one of those "what the fuck is happening in life" type blogs. Why am I compelled to do such a thing? Because I dropped off my dad at the hospital at 5am this morning, am not exactly feeling well rested or level headed, and as such, have been contemplating life. So it goes.
My current living situation is most certainly In Sin, and has been for nearly the entire time we've been dating. Deeply in love with no definite plans of marriage, because hey, why screw up the hot sex now?
I recently joined a band whom I feel very connected with unlike any experience I've had in years. A bit over a year ago I began my solo project, which I concentrated heavily on during 2007. It is not perfect, and remains active, but with close to 20 songs completed (sans vocals, so far), I am quite pleased with the results and feel it is the proper time to share my musical voice amongst others once again. Oddly enough they were the one band that did NOT have mp3 samples via Craig's List or MySpork, but apparently I felt a vibe through the simple advertisement's words. First demo is set to be recorded this Ides of March. Keen.
I don't read nearly as much as I should, but I could read 3 books a day and still say that. Nabokov is my current infatuation, he writes as if water.
My favourite musical discovery of the past several years continues to be Swans. I am still flabbergasted by the sheer brilliance they created, and cannot imagine what it was like to be around during their place in time. Same goes for Acid Bath, a group it took me years to comprehend, but now love them so. I suppose I'm lucky enough to be around to witness Old Man Gloom during their existence, the third, but not final, group I have felt the most passion toward in years. Kyuss and the entire desert scene (both of past and ongoing) continue to be an influence on me, spiritually and creatively. Those, combined with the massive amounts of other acts, ranging from Stevie Wonder to Deathspell Omega, make life worth waking up for each and every day.
I am surrounded by a close circle of loved ones. They know who they are and I hope that, by recognizing their station in relation to me, they realize how much I appreciate them for being them. If you need to be reminded, just ask. Or wait, I'll get around to telling you. Eventually. Hopefully before it is too late.
I haven't masturbated in about two weeks.
I still work in the construction field, an accidental career which I have been a part of for closing in on one decade. As always, I'd rather be doing something more fulfilling for my soul, but in these trying industry times, complaining about working for a good company for a healthy salary would make me sound like an asshole. More of one, that is.
A hearty LOL at the fact that I have liver damage at 28 years old, and as such, do not drink nearly how I used to. I can't complain about that, being mostly sober is actually kind of nice. Kind of. My lifelong battle with a sour stomach continues to be frought with inconvenience, but this does help. Need to start exercising more, and by "more" I mean "at all." It has been almost 2 years since I stopped smoking, although I have enjoyed the occasional cigar and clove since then, including one time I inadvertently inhaled (dumbass). I notice little difference, but do not miss the smell.
Anyhow. This will likely be my only blog here because whenever I write anything, it goes straight to Ugly and Swearing along with the combined forces of my entire idiocy. Now I must go read FDR's inauguration speech from 1933.
Sunday, February 17th, 2008
Blast From Mine Arse
Recently joined a band again, first one I've been a part of in over two years now. The Farewell, Shootka! solo shite is going well, and I will continue onward with it, especially since I seem to have found my true calling for what it is supposed to be (very doomish stuff, I didn't initially realize that was to be the proper path, especially considering the first real DOOOOOOOOOOOM song I wrote was completely by accident), but it is now time to rejoin with the forces of others. The band is called Avolition, a grunge/rock trio somewhere in the realm of Pearl Jam, et alii. Several practices in and I am quite enjoying myself, demo and shows should be ariving sometime toward the end of March. Cool.
Also, just for nostalgic shitz and giggles, here are two live/demo songs from my old band:
Three Sheets to the Wind - For The Dead Again
Three Sheets to the Wind - She Doesn't Want to Die in June
We had fun with that shit. Fun fact: that particular jam was recorded the day after I met The Woman, whom I did not begin the courting process with until 8 freakin' months later. Damn I'm slow. Whoops.
Cliffsnotes: Type type type, like a fat little pigeon.
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008
*Keanu Reeves sound*
If this isn't the raddest photo I've seen since that one nebula picture on the Pearl Jam flyer / Mithras album cover, then I'll be a monkey's rapist landlord. More information here, concerning even more evidence of life on other planets, although to be completely honest, I think the law of averages on that one is easily enough to convince me, and always has. Yes, it is a photograph, not the work of pen from some mind's eye. Would make a nice drawing, don't get me wrong, but the fact that it is real makes it oh so much cooler.
Speaking of ridiculously awesome occurrences, check out this Massive Fucking Thing being built in Dubai, designed by (who else?) me:
jesus piss
ungodly fuck
Of course, even though the very existence of such a thing, funded by blood and oil, may be disgusting, and it is, it will still create an awe-inspiring site upon completion. Hopefully anyone protesting the very notion of it, even from afar, will not be silenced with reckless abandon. Oh, in COMPLETELY UNRELATED happenings around the globe, Exxon recently posted yet even more record profits. Surprise, surprise! Must be all that good, honest, and hard work they do providing an affordable necessity to the average consumer. Just like the US Gov't and health care for all. Thanks, fellers!
In other news:
Devo - Gut Feeling / Slap Your Mammy
Something about the way you taste
Makes me want to clear my throat
There's a message to your movements
That really gets my goat
I looked for sniffy linings
But you're rotten to the core
I've had just about all I can take
You know I can't take it no more
Got a gut feeling
Got a gut feeling
Got a gut feeling, feeling
Centered 'round long time ago
On your ability to torment
Then you took your tongs of love
And stripped away my garment
I looked for sniffy linings
But you're rotten to the core
I've had just about all I can take
You know I can't take it no more
Got a gut feeling
Got a gut feeling
Got a gut feeling, feeling
Got a gut feeling
Got a gut feeling
Got a gut WAAAAHOOHOOHOO!!!
WAAAOOOOWWW!!!
Slap your mammy down
Slap your pappy down again
(Oh move it up and down now)
(Oh move it all around now)
I can, have, and do put this song on multiple-repeat, on quite the regular basis, which makes life worth living. When I initially discovered Queens of the Stone Age I described them creating "music that makes me glad to be alive," and this song grants that completely identical emotion, And You Know This.
Cliffsnotes: $18.00 / gallon by 2009, EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!
Monday, February 11th, 2008
Wow, the colours. The colours!
At work today I began looking through a set of plans for some shitboxes up in Valencia. It is nearly surprising that some companies are actually beginning new housing tracts in today's Land of Fucking Too god Damn Much but hey, it continues to pay my bills for now, so I'll run with it. So anyhow, I came across this slice of loveliness in the form of a 3,550 sq. ft. soon to be overpriced chunk of your bank's own property:
Lovely, no? A similar house, brand new, in the general vicinity, from the same builder, currently lists for $710,000, but is around 500 square feet smaller. Using the average 12"x12" slab of shitty craftsmanship price of $200 each (a very conservative number), this house gets bumped up to over $800,000 without any Really Worth It upgrades like granite countertops and pyrite bidet trim. I could get into median income, equivalent rent, current unemployment rate, prospective outlook on the economy, reading the tea leaves, doing the rain dance, harrowing the end of another bygone era of superfluous bullshit, or any number of such shamanistic activities, but rather I'll let that price, the just missed the spitoon that is seven full figures, for a cookie cutter Same Exact Fucking House Like Your Neighbours Of 10 Feet Away, speak for itself.
Well okay, before completely jumping to conclusions, this is just from the architectural plans, not even an artist's rendering, so allow me spruce up the place a bit to see what it will look like In Real Life when the painting and stucco is done (you'll have to imagine landscaping, but there is at least enough room for one sapling and two small bits of shrubbery, provided they fit within the HOA regulations of course):
Do you like the Real Wood Trim?!?! Here is the bmp file so you can design your own in MS Paint.
Rather than bitching about religion, all I have to say is that I want to move to Greenland:
Map showing the prevalence of Abrahamic (purple) and Eastern (yellow) religions in each country.
Cliffsnotes: The map to my mind looks like a retarded monkey was trying to explain the meaning of life using only a Giant Red Crayon.
Friday, February 8th, 2008
Friday Night Lifes
Here on this Friday evening alone, I am fully armed:
A deadly combination to say the least. First he frightens the neighbours with odd, but only just, and solely from a specific distance, music, then he calms his stomach with some mineral water! This doesn't mean that I'm getting old, or even that I'm becoming boring (or, rather, increasing my boredom quotient, if you're not the type to be amused by a full-sized idiot drunkenly ranting about self-imposed illiteracy as directly related to dietary health/consumption of McDonald'd food from within the confines of your local Wal-Fuck), only that the proper tools of the trade are to be what they are to be, at any given moment, and I don't so much choose them as I simply listen to what insists on being utilized at the time of the time to the time. The stage is set! The lights have dimmed! There goes the curtain!
Went to deposit the weekly Thanks For Sitting On Your Ass In An Office All Week bribe today, and upon exiting the -market being super- a woman was standing in the way of the proper entrance to my vehicle, inserting groceries into the back seat of her what I believe was some sort of Kia Sportage. Rather than saying "excuse me," in order to displace her, which would inconvenience her for but a moment while my younger, more male person hurriedly left the parking lot back to do whatever it is I do while out and about, I decided just to hang back and await her to complete the task at hand within the given interval that she had alloted for herself (wizards are neither early nor late). She did finally notice me standing there, patiently, and apologized, to which I assured her I was in no rush whatsoever. She then told me how everyone in her family was diabetic and she was out retrieving an influx of Diet Soda for said malladied to consume. Then she began discussing her mother sick at home, waiting around to die via hospice, and we talked for a bit concerning life, the universe, and everything. It was mostly her calmly ranting to me, and me smiling and nodding, but at the end she thanked me for allowing her vent a little frustration, to which I assured her I know very well how necessary such things are. Just as it had started without a trace a mere 5 minutes earlier, we were on our respective ways without so much as a glance backward.
Did this make me ponder the greater significance of life v. death, as related to my boss going to a funeral this weekend, my girlfriend losing her father just a year ago, the fact that I have no living male grandparent anymore, or fearing the inevitable physical eradication of myself and all loved ones some day? No. Instead I drove across the street and ate a bacon cheeseburger. Bacon cheeseburgers are fuckin' good. But, I did decide that I need to engage myself upon more strikeups such as this, and also to carry around a pocket recording device of some sort. Who needs to learn how to sing if only I would capture reality such as this and put it to my music?
Cliffsnotes: She was a friendly woman, and I wish her, her mother, et alii all the peace they can get.
Thursday, February 7th, 2008
This is one of those ones that really looks like a blog, and as such, is completely unimportant to the greater good, or bad, of society in general and as a whole.
Grammaw turns 88 today. Eighty-freaking-eight! There is no way I'll end up making it that far, even if I don't get runneded over by a bus or otherwise demolished by a much larger than me metal (or otherwise) machine. A lifelong smoker and heavy boozer in her younger days no less. They don't make them like they used to. Happy Birfday.
Also, I rejoined the hordes at MyShit. Why? I'm not entirely sure, but I did attempt, and signed up for, numerous other social networking sites to try and find something better (read: not owned my Rupert Murcock), but all of them failed in one way or another. So I'm back amongst the ranks. Oh well, embargos never work anyway, right?
Oh screw it, I will include something important:
This article on Mish details how walking away from mortgages as a choice to avoid throwing money at a depreciating asset, rather than as an I-can't-afford-it forcedecision, a practice which has even been on 60 Minutes recently (no I don't watch TV, I saw it on the CBS website) and is therefore common household knowledge, is now going to spread to credit cards and other forms of consumer debt. The process is as follows: load up, fuck you, I'm out. Last year I worked hard (read: lucked out with a few windfalls) to pay off all my debt (other than a car loan which is finally nearing the end) for the first time since the early '00s, so one part of me wants to tell them to get fucked. The other one is headbanging uncontrollably envisioning the closing scene from Fight Club as a reality. Giving the proverbial finger to the banks that power that be instead of remaining a hopeless debt slave is, let's face it, pretty god damn rad. Granted, there's no way I would gamble on such a proposition, just like I didn't gamble by purchasing a house in 2005 when I was looking (THANK FUCKING CHRIST), but still. We've all stared down the wrong side of a 16%/24%/98.6% interest rate at one time or another, and sticking it back to The Man by refusing to pay up has to feel at least a little warm and fuzzy. So good for them. Sorta.
Cliffsnotes: Defender of the Oleander, Arabian Knights
Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta. It's my right as a man.
Okay. Fine. I'm onto you fucks now. McCain scares me. Happy? I think I may have voted for him in the 2000 primary, I'm not sure (it was either him or Alan Keyes, I don't remember), but up until right now my fear had been placed directly onto the HEAD-ON fore of the evil, evil Giuliani, who is now gone. When Huckabee came on the scene, I thought "this guy is dumb enough to win," but that certainly isn't going to happen. With those two out of the way now I can relay my proper fears toward McCain, who served our country so well he wants to make sure every other redblooded, beerfisted, buttfucking American Male can have their chance to die for a meaningless cause as well. It's all fun and games until everything gets all blowed up.
Complete Coincidence (No, Really):
But he said that probably the "most historically significant feature" of the declassified report was the retelling of the 1964 Gulf of Tonkin incident.
That was a reported North Vietnamese attack on American destroyers that helped lead to president Lyndon Johnson's sharp escalation of American forces in Vietnam.
The author of the report "demonstrates that not only is it not true, as (then US) secretary of defense Robert McNamara told Congress, that the evidence of an attack was 'unimpeachable,' but that to the contrary, a review of the classified signals intelligence proves that 'no attack happened that night,'" FAS said in a statement.
"What this study demonstrated is that the available intelligence shows that there was no attack. It's a dramatic reversal of the historical record," Aftergood said.
"There were previous indications of this but this is the first time we have seen the complete study," he said.
--http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080108/pl_afp/usvietnamintelligence512
Dirty pool, mister. Dirty pool.
Cliffsnotes: I bent my Wookie.
Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
Decision: 1992
Well, I figured Obamer was going to waltz all over everything tonight, but apparently not. Although as of right now he is a close second place, it certainly looks like Hillary will emerge victorious for this half. Honestly, I like/dislike the two of them about equal. For whatever reason, even though I disagree with a decent amount of Hillary's politics, I still like her. Not sure why. Obama is completely okay with me, even if I do not know much about him. I voted for Ron Paul, because even though I knew he stood no chance, at least he provided an opportunity to support someone who represents a little something different for a change. Fun stuff.
I now direct anyone's attention who might be paying, um, attention, to the following article from The Nation. This is not an excerpt, but rather the entire thing. I'm not even going to make comments on it, instead I'll just say that it is very important, and should be read by anyone who gives any form of a flying fuck concerning today's today:
Disowned by the Ownership Society
Naomi Klein
Remember the "ownership society," fixture of major George W. Bush addresses for the first four years of his presidency? "We're creating...an ownership society in this country, where more Americans than ever will be able to open up their door where they live and say, welcome to my house, welcome to my piece of property," Bush said in October 2004. Washington think-tanker Grover Norquist predicted that the ownership society would be Bush's greatest legacy, remembered "long after people can no longer pronounce or spell Fallujah." Yet in Bush's final State of the Union address, the once-ubiquitous phrase was conspicuously absent. And little wonder: rather than its proud father, Bush has turned out to be the ownership society's undertaker.
Well before the ownership society had a neat label, its creation was central to the success of the right-wing economic revolution around the world. The idea was simple: if working-class people owned a small piece of the market--a home mortgage, a stock portfolio, a private pension--they would cease to identify as workers and start to see themselves as owners, with the same interests as their bosses. That meant they could vote for politicians promising to improve stock performance rather than job conditions. Class consciousness would be a relic.
It was always tempting to dismiss the ownership society as an empty slogan--"hokum" as former Labor Secretary Robert Reich put it. But the ownership society was quite real. It was the answer to a roadblock long faced by politicians favoring policies to benefit the wealthy. The problem boiled down to this: people tend to vote their economic interests. Even in the wealthy United States, most people earn less than the average income. That means it is in the interest of the majority to vote for politicians promising to redistribute wealth from the top down.
So what to do? It was Margaret Thatcher who pioneered a solution. The effort centered on Britain's public housing, or council estates, which were filled with die-hard Labour Party supporters. In a bold move, Thatcher offered strong incentives to residents to buy their council estate flats at reduced rates (much as Bush did decades later by promoting subprime mortgages). Those who could afford it became homeowners while those who couldn't faced rents almost twice as high as before, leading to an explosion of homelessness.
As a political strategy, it worked: the renters continued to oppose Thatcher, but polls showed that more than half of the newly minted owners did indeed switch their party affiliation to the Tories. The key was a psychological shift: they now thought like owners, and owners tend to vote Tory. The ownership society as a political project was born.
Across the Atlantic, Reagan ushered in a range of policies that similarly convinced the public that class divisions no longer existed. In 1988 only 26 percent of Americans told pollsters that they lived in a society bifurcated into "haves" and "have-nots"--71 percent rejected the whole idea of class. The real breakthrough, however, came in the 1990s, with the "democratization" of stock ownership, eventually leading to nearly half of American households owning stock. Stock watching became a national pastime, with tickers on TV screens becoming more common than weather forecasts. Main Street, we were told, had stormed the elite enclaves of Wall Street.
Once again, the shift was psychological. Stock ownership made up a relatively minor part of the average American's earnings, but in the era of frenetic downsizing and offshoring, this new class of amateur investor had a distinct shift in consciousness. Whenever a new round of layoffs was announced, sending another stock price soaring, many responded not by identifying with those who had lost their jobs, or by protesting the policies that had led to the layoffs, but by calling their brokers with instructions to buy.
Bush came to office determined to take these trends even further, to deliver Social Security accounts to Wall Street and target minority communities--traditionally out of the Republican Party's reach--for easy homeownership. "Under 50 percent of African Americans and Hispanic Americans own a home," Bush observed in 2002. "That's just too few." He called on Fannie Mae and the private sector "to unlock millions of dollars, to make it available for the purchase of a home"--an important reminder that subprime lenders were taking their cue straight from the top.
Today, the basic promises of the ownership society have been broken. First the dot-com bubble burst; then employees watched their stock-heavy pensions melt away with Enron and WorldCom. Now we have the subprime mortgage crisis, with more than 2 million homeowners facing foreclosure on their homes. Many are raiding their 401(k)s--their piece of the stock market--to pay their mortgage. Wall Street, meanwhile, has fallen out of love with Main Street. To avoid regulatory scrutiny, the new trend is away from publicly traded stocks and toward private equity. In November Nasdaq joined forces with several private banks, including Goldman Sachs, to form Portal Alliance, a private equity stock market open only to investors with assets upward of $100 million. In short order yesterday's ownership society has morphed into today's members-only society.
The mass eviction from the ownership society has profound political implications. According to a September Pew Research poll, 48 percent of Americans say they live in a society carved into haves and have-nots--nearly twice the number of 1988. Only 45 percent see themselves as part of the haves. In other words, we are seeing a return of the very class consciousness that the ownership society was supposed to erase. The free-market ideologues have lost an extremely potent psychological tool--and progressives have gained one. Now that John Edwards is out of the presidential race, the question is, will anyone dare to use it?
--The Nation
Also, simply because I can, I present the explanation behind the name of my solo project, with absolutely no prompting whatsoever:
The following note is not an apology of suicide — it is the simple and sober description of a spiritual situation.
The more lucid and overwhelming one’s belief in Providence, the greater the temptation to get it over with, this business of life, but the greater too one’s fear of the terrible sin implicit in self-destruction. Let us first consider the temptation. As more thoroughly discussed elsewhere in this commentary, a serious conception of any form of afterlife inevitably and necessarily presupposes some degree of belief in Providence; and, conversely, deep Christian faith presupposes some belief in some sort of spiritual survival. The vision of that survival need not be a rational one, i.e., need not present the precise features of personal fancies or the general atmosphere of a subtropical Oriental park. In fact, a good Zemblan Christian is taught that true faith is not there to supply pictures or maps, but that it should quietly content itself with a warm haze of pleasurable anticipation. To take a homely example: little Christopher's family is about to migrate to a distant colony where his father has been assigned to a lifetime post. Little Christopher, a frail lad of nine or ten, relies completely (so completely, in fact, as to blot out the very awareness of this reliance) on his elders' arranging all the details of departure, passage and arrival. He cannot imagine, nor does he try to imagine, the particular aspects of the new place awaiting him but he is dimly and comfortably convinced that it will be even better than his homestead, with the big oak, and the mountain, and his pony, and the park, and the stable, and Grimm, the old groom, who has a way of fondling him whenever nobody is around.
Something of this simple trust we too should have. With this divine mist of utter dependence permeating one’s being, no wonder one is tempted, no wonder one weighs on one’s palm with a dreamy smile the compact firearm in its case of suede leather hardly bigger than a castlegate key or a boy’s seamed purse, no wonder one peers over the parapet into an inviting abyss.
I am choosing these images rather casually. There are purists who maintain that a gentleman should use a brace of pistols, one for each temple, or a bare botkin (note the correct spelling), and that ladies should either swallow a lethal dose or drown with clumsy Ophelia. Humbler humans have preferred sundry forms of suffocation, and minor poets have even tried such fancy releases as vein tapping in the quadruped tub of a drafty boardinghouse bathroom. All this is uncertain and messy. Of the not very many ways known of shedding one’s body, falling, falling, falling is the supreme method, but you have to select your sill or ledge very carefully so as not to hurt yourself or others. Jumping from a high bridge is not recommended even if you cannot swim, for wind and water abound in weird contingencies, and tragedy ought not to culminate in a record dive or a policeman’s promotion. If you rent a cell in the luminous waffle, room 1915 or 1959, in a tall business center hotel browing the star dust, and pull up the window, and gently — not fall, not jump — but roll out as you should for air comfort, there is always the chance of knocking clean through into your own hell a pacific noctambulator walking his dog; in this respect a back room might be safer, especially if giving on the roof of an old tenacious normal house far below where a cat may be trusted to flash out of the way. Another popular take-off is a mountaintop with a sheer drop of say 500 meters but you must find it, because you will be surprised how easy it is to miscalculate your deflection offset, and have some hidden projection, some fool of a crag, rush forth to catch you, causing you to bounce off it into the brush, thwarted, mangled and unnecessarily alive. The ideal drop is from an aircraft, your muscles relaxed, your pilot puzzled, your packed parachute shuffled off, cast off, shrugged off — farewell, shootka (little chute)! Down you go, but all the while you feel suspended and buoyed as you somersault in slow motion like a somnolent tumbler pigeon, and sprawl supine on the eiderdown of the air, or lazily turn to embrace your pillow, enjoying every last instant of soft, deep, death-padded life, with the earth’s green seesaw now above, now below, and the voluptuous crucifixion, as you stretch yourself in the growing rush, in the nearing swish, and then your loved body’s obliteration in the Lap of the Lord. If I were a poet I would certainly make an ode to the sweet urge to close one’s eyes and surrender utterly unto the perfect safety of wooed death. Ecstatically one forefeels the vastness of the Divine Embrace enfolding one’s liberated spirit, the warm bath of physical dissolution, the universal unknown engulfing the minuscule unknown that had been the only real part of one’s temporary personality.
When the soul adores Him Who guides it through mortal life, when it distinguishes His sign at every turn of the trail, painted on the boulder and notched in the fir trunk, when every page in the book of one’s personal fate bears His watermark, how can one doubt that He will also preserve us through all eternity?
So what can stop one from effecting the transition? What can help us to resist the intolerable temptation? What can prevent us from yielding to the burning desire for merging in God?
We who burrow in filth every day may be forgiven perhaps the one sin that ends all sins.
--from Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov
That's the end of that chapter!
Cliffsnotes: dirty knees, honey bees
Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
GO VOTE!!!
Other than that, fuck this day.
Cliffsnotes: More like STUPOR Tuesday, am I rite.
Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
Snö
Went for a snowhike today:
The latest Bi-monthly Bork is up, finished it a day late because I totally didn't feel like it yesterday. Also dicked around with Koogt, including recording an addition, clipping the lengthy outro, and remixing the whole affair. I listened to it last night wondering when the fuck it was going to end and/or do something interesting, hence all the changes. Hooray site maintenance!
Anybody remember the rain forest? Well apparently the destruction thereof has a whole new harbinger for us lovely humans:
"If we lose forests, we lose the fight against climate change," declared more than 300 scientists, conservation groups, religious leaders and others in an appeal for action at December's climate conference in Bali, Indonesia.
The burning or rotting of trees that comes with deforestation — at the hands of ranchers, farmers, timbermen — sends more heat-trapping carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than all the world's planes, trains, trucks and automobiles. Forest destruction accounts for about 20 percent of manmade emissions, second only to burning of fossil fuels for electricity and heat. Conversely, healthy forests absorb carbon dioxide and store carbon.
"The stakes are so dire that if we don't start turning this around in the next 10 years, the extinction crisis and the climate crisis will begin to spiral out of control," said Roman Paul Czebiniak, a forest expert with Greenpeace International. "It's a very big deal."
--Associated Press, the rest of it
Hey, who needs the The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement when we'll simply suffocate instead? Keen.
Cliffsnotes: voter registration mailing, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Friday, February 1st, 2008
Rogerin' Balltwist
Jamming with some dudes next week, they describe their music as Nirvana/Pearl Jam sans distortion, so that sounds fine with me. I think if I joined a band that solely created music like the kick I've been on for some spell:
Koogt
it would probably make me fucking depressed. That will hopefully be the last song I record with my shitty drum machine, I'm tired of that fucking thing killing the mood of all my shit. I have plenty of equipment/software for Ze Mac, just haven't gotten around to using it yet. Now, my time has finally come. Bon voyage, fuckthing:
Cliffsnotes: In The Rectory of the Bizarre Reverend
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
Swear to D-g
I had it all ready to go. Really, I did. Had this whole stack of links and little tidbits of what have you all lined up in order for me to paint a lovely picture of how much this town, city, county, state, region, country, continent, hemisphere, world, galaxy, universe, and everything was ready to tumble down down down, further than anywhere else. It had everything from the falsehood that is Al Qaeda, to people leaving their pet turtles abandoned in a bare house recently foreclosed and skedaddled from. But now? I'm not so sure. I've set myself up a rant like the winning field goal during the expiring seconds of the Super Bowl, but just don't have the gumption to do it properly, and if I can't do it right, why do it at all? So rather, I move on, and let it go as it has(n't) been letted goad.
Upon discussing the reality that is life, and the inherent pain in the assedness of it all, the following question was recently posed to me:
Why the fuck is it so complicated just to exist these days?
To which I responded:
Because plastic is dumb. Everybody freaking out about the stock bullshit lately, bitching "I LOST ALL THIS EQUITY!!!" and I think "you didn't have it 5 years ago, however did you survive then?" I mean, I don't even like having a cell phone, the day I get myself around a good system of public transportation I sell the car and buy a Jeep to use only when absolutely necessary because the kids need more cat ear medicine, and hopefully I'll be living in a place where the roads aren't so much "roads" as they are "long stretches of inhumanity where nobody goes" because I'll reside in a land where only those who want MORE from life (more books, frequent sex, and better whisky) can, will, and do get by. Jesus piss.
Just in case I haven't made my point clear, a noble distraction is presented:
Cliffsnotes:
Oh,
fuck
me
sideways!
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
Pornoligarchy / Cthvlhvlvtion
This here be one o' dem disjointed ventures my mind works so well in car-e-ating.
I started to read The Hobbit again this week, for the first time since I was in high school. The first time I read it as a wee one I don't think I finished it, but am currently using my Comp I & II book report notecards as a bookmart this time around. I'm gearing up read Tolkien's Unfinished Tales, but it has been so long since I've read this and The Lord of the Rings that I really need to refresh myself before finalizing the whole bit. A few years ago I sped-read most of the trilogy whilst watching the extended cut movies (read for 30 minutes, watch 30 minutes of the movie, wash, rinse, repeat), because yes, I am just that fucking cool, but this time they demand my exclusive attention. The point? I hereby present the following tune, which was on repeat all yesterday morning:
Nuclear Rabbit - The Pimp, The Bitch & The Magic Beans
An absolute must for any Tolkien fan. I don't think Nuclear Rabbit are really together anymore, but I had a chance to email-interview them for the old RC website and saw them live in a small place once, so I feel fortunate that I was at least a little bit a part of their action when it was around. I know that Jean Baudin has received a little fame, if not fortune, in the bass community, but that was yet another band that, if monetary satisfaction was rewarded in direct proportion to talent and all around awesomeness, should have been multi-millionaires. But is that really the point of such a group? Their artwork mostly consisted of hybrid rabbits as raped by various bits of gross (description and quantity) technology, with most of their music geared toward those who grew up on 17/8 time signatures, and thus would certainly not do well if unleashed upon the mainstream, much like most great art. Religion is no longer the sole opiate of the masses, we now welcome trash art to the fold to keep everyone fat, dumb, drunk, deaf, blind, stupid, and happy. Let's go buy fur coats!
The following is yet another grouping of unrelated images to present for the viewing pleasure of anyone within eyeshot (now with description!!!):
Used to be the introduction to Stoner Rock but I think they took it down.
T-shirt purchased along with the latest Scald album, which is FUCKING AMAZING.
Received in an email the other day with the premise that President Huckabee would make this required reading in elementary school history tests. Funny. Scary. True. Little. Yellow. Different.
Today's I'm-Working-From-Home-And-Get-To-Blast-Music playlist:
Nothing - Silence Came Back In, Filling Jagged Spaces
Type O Negative - Bloody Kisses
White Zombie - Astro Creep: 2000
PJ Harvey - Rid of Me
Miles Davis - Kind of Blue
Pixies - Doolittle
The Angels of Light - How I Loved You
Swans - Soundtracks for the Blind
Enslaved - Ruun
Converge - Jane Doe
Anthrax - Among the Living
Reverend Bizarre - In the Rectory of the Bizarre Reverend
Novembers Doom - The Pale Haunt Departure
Aeternus - ...and so the Night Became
Pain of Salvation - Remedy Lane
The sun came out so I had to add some lighter stuff to the list, otherwise today would have been all dooooooooooooooooooooooooom and gloom. Also I totally didn't get a chance to listen to more than about half those albums, but I kept them all out to listen to tomorrow/thenextday/wheneverIfuckingfeellikedoingso.
In closing, here is something I wrote in an email the other day:
Yeah I'm pretty sure there is no bottom to the depravity that is modern business "ethics." It will come to the point eventually where CEOs will perform third trimester forcedabortions live on TV with one of those plastic reaching stickhand things, complete with maniacal laughter, and nobody will punish them for it provided the DOW goes up.
Cliffsnotes: Harley Davidson, Message to Hairy Manback
Friday, January 18th, 2008
Rock Soxter
LOL @ DOW dropping to nearly 12,000. I hope it goes further. Who gives a fuck about this god damn made up economy, if it fails completely a world of hurt will give way to allow reality to flourish once again. By reality I mean Mass Rape, so out of the frying pan into the fire, but at least the golden parachute fucks will be equally force-porked along with the rest of us. Well, except most of them will still retain some sort of power and escape the wrath that they, more than anyone else, truly deserve, leaving the rest of us idiots in the muck trying to melt down pennies into weapons to defend what little we have left (piles of globbed copper Lincoln heads). Hmm, on second thought, maybe I don't want it to fail. But if it does, I want to be here to see it.
My second custom bass is finished, and will be on its way to me pretty soon from Scotland, provided I still have enough Bush Coins to pay for import fees of course. I have never purchased an instrument of such snobby stature, with wood names including "claro walnut," "black limba," and "macassar ebony," before, and if playing this instrument means I have to start gigging obscure/snooty/horrible underground jazz clubs filled with people of no taste drinking faux martinis made with expensive vodka and no vermouth, then so be it. So it goes, here is the coffee table in question:
Along with all the buying and selling of instruments throughout the years, this will currently make bass #5 in the collection, and in the past whenever I've reached that level of the cinco-ing, I always sell one off. Apparently I think Four Is The Magic Number, I don't know, although that be the woman's lucky number so maybe her influence on my instruments (huhuhuhuhuh) is greater than I thought. Either way, I'd like to sell all but one or two, and buy a nice acoustic geeeeeeetar with the proceeds (read: break even or lose out most likely, without even adjusting for inflation), but I don't think that is going to happen because I often grow attached to these planks of wood filled with basic electronics. Then again I just ditched my first custom a few weeks ago, because it made no sense that my most expensive instrument, which cost more than my first car + all repairs for the two years I owned it and a few dozen tanks of gas, was the one least enjoyed. Hopefully this one is not another mistake, although since I purchased it from a luthier new to the game, it wasn't terribly expensive. Then again, who cares if it was, and I end up selling it for half what I paid as with the other one? It's only money: money is what the economy is based on: the economy is a meaningless construct: a meaningless construct has no real value: therefore money is worthless.
Cliffsnotes: Who saw that tie-in coming? Not me!
Tuesday, January 15th, 2008
Descending from below the plastic coathangers.
There are certain clothes/bands/shoes/exams/classifications/friends/feelings/lovers/ducks/hats that everyone will at one point in their life love very much, but then later grow out of. Yes, I still listen to a lot the same bands that I did as a teenager, but a good handful have fallen toward the wayside upon adding countless other new ones all the while. However, one which I assumed would have disappeared ages ago was Marilyn Manson. Rather than justify why I continue to purchase their new releases, and even go see them in concert, I present the following demo song from 1992:
The Spooky Kids - Thrift
I always thought that Scott Putesky (aka Daisy Berkowitz) was the real genius behind the group, and Brian Warner himself being the charismatic catalyst with Jeordie White coming in to fulfill key songwriting duties. Either way you slice it, this song here is pure sex, and should vindicate Putesky's legacy. I go buy his solo albums now.
Bonus hardcore underground radness tune for those not convinced to listen to the above pseudo-mainstreamly-related whatever:
The Legendary Pink Dots - City of Needles
Cliffsnotes: I am not Pat Boone today.
Monday, January 14th, 2008
What to do, watt the shoe.
Bork #2 is up. This one was a bit rushed and I'm not sure I am entirely happy with it, but hey, I have self-imposed deadlines to meet this year apparently, so there you go. As before, head up top or just click here.
Listening to an Ulver tribute CD, have casually perused the mp3s over the past few weeks, and outside a few boring/useless tracks, it is quite good. Very much a Hey Go For It work by the various artists, as opposed to straight cover tunes. Rather than indirectly repeat myself from earlier today, I shall quote an email I sent to my fellow FTP users, concerning the what have you:
FYI: this here Ulver tribute is really god damn good. Lots of atmospheric stuff on the second disc, and what is nice about this tribute is that it is more interpretive than most cover songs, which for a group like Ulver, should be expected. It's no longer available on that website (bandwidth reasons), so it is being uploaded right now. At the very least that way I can download to my home computer tonight. :)
This free album is way better than the free Radiohead, although I can think of a lot of things much better than said album. Case in point, the peanut butter and jelly sammitch I ate about an hour ago. Not that In Rainbows is bad, it certainly isn't, but to all the major league critics lauding it as something amazingly fresh, awesome, and new, come on! There's absolutely nothing about it that hasn't already been done before, and better, oftentimes by the same fucking group no less. Even Pitchfuck gave it a 9.3, I didn't think they gave ratings higher than 7.0 to anything shy of curing various forms of cancer while lowering worldwide gas prices via glockenspiel. I've listened to it about 40 times now, and it is perfectly good music, but there is absolutely nothing revolutionary about it. I guess Radiohead has become one of those "everyone loves them because everyone loves them" bands. What do I know about diamonds?
Information can be found at http://panacea.msk.su/ulver/ but like I said earlier, the songs themselves have been taken down due to bandwidth reasons. I can gladly pass along them to anyone who emails me about it, although I expect it shall eventually return whence it came. Cover art:
In other mindnumbingly exciting news, 4 months after ordering these two DVDs for Halloween last year, they finally showed up:
Rad. Of course, now that I notice The Da Vinci Code "novel" on this particular bookshelf, I feel the need to explain the reasoning behind it. I was conned into reading that swill upon pages by someone who disliked the book as much as I assumed I would, and after giving it nearly a fair shake, only stuck it out just to see how fucking stupid the masses truly are. Hint: real literature loses, once again. There, properly infused self-snobitude has been restored.
Cliffsnotes: Barton Sink, I Huckabees
Sunday, January 13th, 2008
Left Face, Right Donut
Tomorrow is the birthday of an old friend I have not spoken to in some time, but this particular date is one I ALWAYS forget, so this year, the first of such we have had next to no contact in about a decade, I have set up multiple reminders to, in fact, make sure I don't fuck up like usual. Her and I went to college together, and became extraordinarily close friends, although I was the sap not unlike in a John Hughes movie who often wanted more than that, even if I didn't exactly pine constantly, and dated plenty of other people, including a very lengthy nearly healthy relationship with one particular female, so like I have alluded to, it wasn't like I was losing sleep over unrequited love or some similar notion equally ludicrous. So as it went, by the time her and I got around to Trying Things Out, it only took a few weeks to realize no, the past many years of Just Being Friends was where both our hearts did indeed belong. Although perhaps she was always curious, as upon crossing me off her life's list, she promptly got hitched to some military dude. LOLZ.
Caution: completely unrelated topic below: no, not to the side, below:
I think I'm going to make a resolution 13 days into the new year. I think I'm going to join a band again. The solo thing is coming along fine, and I'm going to try and find a drummer for that endeavour first, but I'm also going to try and play with an already established unit. Early in 2007 I jammed with a Black Sabbath cover band and was asked to join, but was hesitant because it wasn't really what I was looking for (though they were good). Some time in 2006 I was with some latin/jazz/rock band in LA for about 2 weeks, they were REALLY good but the drive sucked ass so I didn't stick with it. From somewhere around '03 to '05 I was with a band for a good spell, had some shows and a demo even, and that was quite fun until it wasn't. Before that was a mess of garage schtick within a variety of local carholes/sparerooms/antechambers. Oh, and of course the middle school jazz band where it all began.
Speaking of the god damn devil, another song was done today, and hey, I sorta like this one even:
Mopped 101
I forgot to show a picture of The Lab, but now is a better time than right about now, funk soul brothers:
[insert maniacal laughter here]
Cliffsnotes: TROGADOR. TROGADOR.
Sunday, January 13th, 2008
I Am Putting Out Fire With Gasoline
The latest happenings: work + buying weird BBQ sauce. Also, a new tune, recorded with a new-to-me Zon bass.
Synsect
Not exactly groundbreaking, but an experiment of sorts I suppose. Iunno.
Oh yes, before I forget, observe this bit of loveliness:
Report: 121 Veterans Linked to Killings
By The Associated Press
Published: January 13, 2008
NEW YORK (AP) -- At least 121 Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans have committed a killing or been charged in one in the United States after returning from combat, The New York Times reported Sunday.
The newspaper said it also logged 349 homicides involving all active-duty military personnel and new veterans in the six years since military action began in Afghanistan, and later Iraq. That represents an 89-percent increase over the previous six-year period, the newspaper said.
About three-quarters of those homicides involved Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans, the newspaper said. The report did not illuminate the exact relationship between those cases and the 121 killings also mentioned in the report.
The newspaper said its research involved searching local news reports, examining police, court and military records and interviewing defendants, their lawyers and families, victims' families and military and law enforcement officials.
Defense Department representatives did not immediately respond to a telephone message early Sunday. The Times said the military agency declined to comment, saying it could not reproduce the paper's research.
A military spokesman, Lt. Col. Les Melnyk, questioned the report's premise and research methods, the newspaper said. He said it aggregated crimes ranging from involuntary manslaughter to murder, and he suggested the apparent increase in homicides involving military personnel and veterans in the wartime period might reflect only ''an increase in awareness of military service by reporters since 9/11.''
<-- WTF?!
Neither the Pentagon nor the federal Justice Department track such killings, generally prosecuted in state civilian courts, according to the Times.
The 121 killings ranged from shootings and stabbings to bathtub drownings and fatal car crashes resulting from drunken driving, the newspaper said. All but one of those implicated was male.
About a third of the victims were girlfriends or relatives, including a 2-year-old girl slain by her 20-year-old father while he was recovering from wounds sustained in Iraq.
A quarter of the victims were military personnel. One was stabbed and set afire by fellow soldiers a day after they all returned from Iraq.
--http://www.nytimes.com
Cliffsnotes: The rocket's red glare, bunch of bombs in the air...
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
Don't stop comin' 'til the fire reign down.
Tonight's research includes: Don Quixote, Al Qaeda (in terms of being the construct of a falsifying US regime), The Whore of Babylon, Arcane Sun (defunct and obscure Irish band), and absinthe. 30 minutes later and I know more about the green devil than all those other things put together. At least I recognize my priorities.
I read earlier today there will be a new Kayo Dot album released in March. This makes me happy. The plan for this year is to beef up ye olde jazz and blues segments of the album collection, since outside a handful of Miles Davis and Robert Johnson cuts, I am severely lacking in both departments, which to be perfectly honest, is right below a modicum before marginally ludicrous.
Cliffsnotes: Mind/Body/Light/Sound/Mind/Body/Light/Sound/Mind/Body/Light/Sound
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
Jesus piss, it's the god damn near year. Again.
I could go on and on about what resolutions I made, didn't make, kept last year, won't keep this year, and other such nonsense, but all I can really hope for this particular revolution 'round the star that is our sun is that I drop some lbs. to rescind my membership of The 200 Pound Club. And, you know, not die.
Also, the newly launched Bi-monthly Bork has arrived. Click here or the appropriate link above. Or not at all, whatever.
Cliffsnotes: I go drink raspberry tea now.
Sunday, December 30th, 2007
King Kong's giant black rubber cock
I am now going to make three prediction-like assumptions, which I'm not entirely sure are true, but in hindsight, some future, deliberate, and objective generation might be able to clarify this as being The Ultimate Truth.
The greatest band of the '80s were Swans.
The greatest band of the '90s were Acid Bath.
The greatest band of the '00s are Old Man Gloom.
Like I alluded to above, I'm not entirely sure this is true, and more importantly I'm not even sure if I'm qualified to elevate any three of these to this stature (note that I'm not unqualified to not call the three greatest bands of the three past decades, as I'm more than adequate in not only claiming just that, but changing my opinion, and thus the indisputable knowledge therein, as well), but seriously, it would be difficult to make an argument against any of this flat out majestic music. I'm not going to submit mp3 examples as there are plenty of places to illegaly procure those without myself getting into any sort of bandwidth trouble, instead I shall display a handful of album covers from each, and if you are like me (and likely how these bands would wish/will/want it), the artistic aspect truly matters. Observe:
If you say "who?" to any of those three I will gladly send you packing on your merry, uneducated, and foolhardy way, or happily make you a mix CD-R to enjoy upon request. The choice is yours.
Cliffsnotes: I get a boner just thinking about listening to any of those groups.
Thursday, December 27th, 2007
Four Score and Twain
Nearly 3 years ago, I received a book from my former employer. Since then, the company was sold to a gaggle of asshats who laid off nearly every single member of the original staff. Fortunately I was able to quit on my terms, waltzing out with my head bound upward and middle finger raised triumphantly, but the mistreatment of those left behind was, and continues to be, utterly disgusting. Here is the book in question, which I found on my shelf earlier tonight:
I never read it, although I did once try, but I can honestly say that it is a Piece of Fucking Shit. Anyone who buys into this tripe will hopefully get what they deserve in the end, a crisp pine box for their shattered soul. Anyhow, onto my book review:
Never have I damaged, mistreated, or wished death upon any book, ever. Knowledge is keen, and everyone should be able to choose what they want to read amongst whatever might be available, popular or not, incendiary or otherwise. What can I say, this one fucking deserved it.
Cliffsnotes: lizard my brother, wherever you are, this one is for you.
Thursday, December 27th, 2007
Happy god damn Whatever.
So on my usual Yahoo! email checking this morning, I saw one of those celebrity photo things, and for whatever reason (boredom? morbid curiosity? impatient self-embargo of intelligent thought?) clicked it. Before I get to that I would like to say I am getting a little sick of Yahoo! and it is a damn shame that their internet email system has been the best I've ever used, especially because I find the company itself absolutely vile, what with their finger pointing fiasco concerning China:
Yahoo 'helped jail China writer'
Internet giant Yahoo has been accused of supplying information to China which led to the jailing of a journalist for "divulging state secrets".
Reporters Without Borders said Yahoo's Hong Kong arm helped China link Shi Tao's e-mail account and computer to a message containing the information.
The media watchdog accused Yahoo of becoming a "police informant" in order to further its business ambitions.
A Yahoo spokeswoman said it had to operate within each country's laws.
"Just like any other global company, Yahoo must ensure that its local country sites must operate within the laws, regulations and customs of the country in which they are based," said Mary Osako.
Shi Tao, 37, worked for the Contemporary Business News in Hunan province, before he was arrested and sentenced in April to 10 years in prison.
--http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4221538.stm
No, fuck you Mary Osako, or whoever puppets you, you don't want to lose out on the vast riches that an emerging economy can bring to the coffers, even if that means destroying a fundamental principle from the America that Yahoo! earned its initial fortune. I believe that is what you and your masters meant to say. Assholes.
Anyhow, back to everyday moronity, this was the celebrity picture in question:

No big deal I suppose, some douche and some douchette hamming it up for the camera, with Photo of Eric Clapton and Mr. Creepily Curious coming along for the ride. I had to look up who Pete Wentz even is, some bassist from some modern emo band apparently, oh goody. The only thing I really know about Ashlee Simpson is that she lip syncs, lies about it, and that her sister is an idiot. I've never actually heard the music of any of these vapid wastes of space, but I must say, I cannot find a reason to become offended by this picture. Ah, but (there's always a but), here are the associated comments from every day Josephine Dickfaces:
Only in this day and age can we all be glued to an interactive idiot box, with a million readily available tools to automatically correct one's grammar and spelling, and purposely ignore them all. Wondrous!
Oh well, what the fuck do I know about music anyhow? I'm listening to a female-fronted pagan metal band from Kyrgyzstan right now:
Cliffsnotes: Morons, you fucking morons. You FUCKING! MORONS!!!
Tuesday, December 18th, 2007
We Three Things
Yeah so, apparently I'm now a writer for http://www.bitsofnews.com/ which is pretty neat. I haven't done my first article yet, but I'm thinking my whole idea of the Bi-monthly Bork might just fit right in like a god damn glove (OJ-hand in the glove that is). If not, hey, at least I'll be giving it a shot. Of course tonight I tried to force out a review for the latest Ulver just to do a test run, but my inspiration was not right. That will come later.
Rather than the usual arthouse film for once, I recently watched the last Pirates flick. Plot summary:
"I'm on your side."
"No you're not, I'm on that side."
"Oh well that doesn't matter because I was on this other side anyway."
"I died but now I'm back, and no longer on that side, but on this side."
"Fooled again, I'm over here now."
"Didn't you die yesterday, after returning from the dead?"
"Yes, but the side I was on yesterday wasn't really the side I was on, but now today I am on that side but the other one as well."
I enjoyed the hell that Jack Sparrow went to, and overall I did have fun watching it, but the story was just ridiculous. Same thing as was The Matrix: great first movie, meaningless second one, and then the third overcompensated for the shortcomings of the second, failing just as bad as it did but in a wholly different way. Fuck me, even Lucas nearly fixed the new Star Wars with Episode III.
Watch this failure:
Cliffsnotes: I was watching The Prisoner the other day, and fittingly enough this Boog looks like something found on the homepage of Mr. X.
Friday, December 14th, 2007
It's frickin' freezin' in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.
I really don't have anything to say for this Boog (like I ever do), I just feel like talkin' apparently. Well actually, it's because I've had the following image on my desktop for a few days and I really need to get it out there:
There, wasn't that nice? Oh fuckit, I'm wired and in needing of reading more Dirk Gently.
Cliffsnotes:
My work is done here.
You didn't do anything!
Didn't I?
Wednesday, December 12th, 2007
Bi-monthly Bork
From now until I feel like it, the 1st and 14th days of every month will feature a column about some thing that has become obsolete, lost its way, or otherwise devastructed in some manner. It could be physical, metaphysical, social, political, omnitranscendental, etc., but the point being whatever said thing in question has become, it must qualify as Borked. First column to be unleashed 1/1/2008. I think this might be fun, and if not, then I'll just forget it ever happened, Principal Tamzarian.
Unrelated: I said "cunting" on some stupid forum and got this:
Cool.
Cliffsnotes: It's the god damn fucking inter-shit-net where you can see pictures of naked beheaded but still crawling babies in a microwave with a quick Google search but OH NO let's not say any naughty words within a community of adults because of sensitive e-ears, swearing is cunting awesome.
Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
CRASH AND BURN, YOU FUCKS!
Even though my retirement fund is linked to the NYSE, I relish in the fact that today's rate cut "wasn't big enough" to balding middle-aged market types, so the Dow took a pretty decent dive. Nice job Obiwan Bernanke, why not destroy the dollar even more than it already is in order to prop up false hopes in a pseudo-strong economy according to high market figures, except that OOPS, it didn't work. Not that it would anyhow, because guess what morans, thanks to government encouraged inflation the market could climb up and up while still being worth less and less. Of course most idiots in this country are so fucking stupid that they buy into it, people bitch that things get more expensive here as times goes on but in reality it is the greenbacks crumpling in value the longer they are left around to collect the palm and ass sweat from everyday usage. Oh well, I suppose when you have $50,000,000,000 in the bank, you can slice that in half and still be rich, especially if that causes product deflation so us working stiffs struggle to get by as you reap the benefits. I will gladly you pay you never for everything today.
"If somebody has their wealth in dollars and they are going to buy consumer goods with dollars like a typical American, then the decline of the dollar, the only effect it has is it makes imported goods more expensive," says the dickface in charge of everyone's wallets.
--You Tube video of Berfuckne getting owned but too stupid to realize it
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR VULCAN MIND?! Maybe Berfuckingdouchebagasshole doesn't fill up his car with GASOLINE, but I certainly do. For a simpler explanation of How Much We're Fucked, observe:
There is something quite alarming on the recently released “Blue Magic” music video.
The song, by the wildly successful rap artist and businessman Jay-Z, is on an album of songs accompanying/inspired by the Ridley Scott movie “American Gangster,” starring Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe.
But it wasn’t sex, drugs, violence or explicit language that shocked my conscience.
It was the Euros.
The Jay-Z video flashed large stacks of €500 Euros.
When I start seeing rap stars flashing euros instead of U.S. dollars, I know our economy is in trouble.
--http://www.chaskaherald.com/node/3010
He's not the only one:
Gisele Bundchen wants to remain the world's richest model and is insisting that she be paid in almost any currency but the U.S. dollar.
Like billionaire investors Warren Buffett and Bill Gross, the Brazilian supermodel, who Forbes magazine says earns more than anyone in her industry, is at the top of a growing list of rich people who have concluded that the currency can only depreciate because Americans led by President George W. Bush are living beyond their means.
--http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aCs.keWwNdiY
Whether or not the party all comes crashing down, proving Jay-Z, Gisele, and myself correct remains to be seen. Just in case:
FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU.
Assholes.
Cliffsnotes: It's likely always been like this, but I wasn't alive 50 years ago to complain about it.
Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
Snö
Holy crikies the mountains received all kinds of snow over the past few days and it is currently in the mid-30's outside. Last year winter all but skipped SoCal, but even in these globally warmer times looks like we're getting some actual fucking barometric excitement for a change. Yes, that's as exciting as things get right now, let's talk about the god damn weather.
Tom Fisherman walked across the street one day to see what he could see. There were no mountains to be found in his town because the land had been laid flat years ago by The Great BM From Above which laid waste to all things defying gravity above the order of 6 feet or higher (thankfully the local basketball team suffered little, most were at an away game that evening). The oddest part about TGBMFA was not so much that it even happened, possibly proving the existence of a higher, probably irreverent, power but rather that nobody talked about the incident itself or the consequences suffered afterwards. For example even though the entire event last no more than a few boistrous seconds, everything from tree height to reaching for a jar of honey/oil/water/mace/tuna above the second to top shelf in the kitchen was forever changed. Perhaps Tom's town was full of boorish people, or at the very least scared, but it was simply never discussed. Unfortunately neither excuse would come to pass, at least not for a long time. The great battle would later take place rending everything once thought of "forever changed" as "temporarily shifted, at best" but not for a few dozen millenia, far beyond the scope of this madness anyway. So when arriving across the boring, as of just a short time ago and still to remain for a bit flattened community, Tom engaged himself upon the largest revelation anyone anywhere had had since Newton was first bonked on the head so many years back...
Stay tuned next week when you'll start to wonder if I'll ever finish that story! Hint: no.
Cliffsnotes: Tool played Flood, it was boobies.
Monday, December 10th, 2007
Futurepast
Tonight I go see Tool for the 10th time in concert, the first of which occurences occured (occuringly) almost 14 years ago now. I suppose I could do the usual thing and say "I'm getting old," but instead, since this is a particularly slow workday, or perhaps because I just ate a peanut-butter-and-jelly sammitch of extraordinary magnitude, I will say that it solely demonstrates that I am still most certainly down for the cause. Sure, I've paid a fuckton of taxes into The System since then, but my principles toward a more artistic society are stronger than ever, even if they did take a few detours along the years in the forms of short haircuts and career responsibility. Maybe I'm just happy that I never did become a reborner pisstian like I had feared in my early teenage years, upon re-meeting a Used To Be Cool cousin since reformed as the man that we fear. Bring on the ale!
Scrawled lovingly elsewhere on Saturday post-beering as discussed shortly below:
Note on current state: halfway through first DB, quite dizzy. This beer is complete magic. The woman was going through old photos and found some of my old dog (died 5 years ago at the ripe old age of 17) and I got a little emotional, but I'm still sober enough to rebound quickly. Hopefully she hid the pictures well for when I'm alone tonight.
EDIT (the time stamp thingy says this post was created 2 hours ago):
Never have I had just one beer that has knocked me so thoroughly onto mine ass. I just awoke from what must have been at least an hour's worth of passedoutedness, only to run spinningly to the kitchen in order to chug as much water as possible along with inhaling every bit of pretzeled snack within reach of my daring fists. There are many hours left in the evening that I could drink more, but I know that nothing will recreate the massive buzz I had shortly before passing out. I could not move, but my mind was wild, even if a bit blurry. Any further attempt this evening at drunkedness will surely lead to a full stomach, headache, and thoughts of "why couldn't you be like your brother?!" to the next brew of choice. Thankfully I purchased two bottles, until next time!
That was a fun beer, and yes, the Negură Bunget album in question was blasted most righteously indeed.
Cliffsnotes: Radomly tied voweling, certifiable idiocy.
Saturday, December 8th, 2007
Shopooping <-- amalgamation stolen from My Noushie
The holidays are truly upon us now, driving by ye olde local Target a short time ago revealed a nearly full parking lot cominbed with chilly weather (the former not so irregular for SoCal, the latter of course very much so), the fact that I'm spending just as much money as usual but on other people for a change, and of course this year's release of Double Bastard. This is my first brew from said Doubling, after years and years of being a staunch believer in all things Stone Brewing Co. This particular incarnation is always lost upon me, the one year I actually witnessed the in stock bottling at my favourite boozery, they all disappeared to various friends as gifts, including even the last one especially marked for myself was given away (read: lost) to someone I ran into at the last possible second before the xmas gifting charade, and that was many years ago. No longer! Today I decided to make a run to a new place to purchase booze, and while their beer selection wasn't too great, they had massive quantities of the DB. What further about this venturing is known shall likely be forgotten, because I'm halfway through the first big bottle and my oh my, I cannot see straight. M'lady just remarked "You know what goes with beer? Cashews," and brought me a bowlfull. I love her so. She says I do not speak much of her on here (one of my few dedicated readers), but lack of love is not the reason, no no no. I think the crux of the biscuit is that I vent my frustrations here mostly, and of course having lived together for the past year+ there have been some, but not many, and not nearly enough to bitch, moan, obersve, and complain about her here. Perhaps things shall remain this way for all time, one (or two) can only hope. Taking my first munch she is indeed correct concerning the cashewing.
Necessary imagebreak because I went asurfin' for a spell. Actually I think I'm fresh out of spoke at this point, but then again I'm buzzed enough where I can keep going and going and going and going just like E-Bunny but perhaps I should stop and go consume myself into something a little more interesting like finishing off the King Crimson album I'm spinning and then perhaps watching Erik the Viking on handy DVD format. Either that or blast the awesomeness that is the following album, much to the neighbour's chagrin:
Yes, quite, rather, indeed, assuredly, capital, grand, peaking, whatever.
Cliffsnotes: 20 proof ale is my name, making you love life is my game.
Friday, December 7th, 2007
Assertive Ineptitude
What is it called when someone walks up to you and doesn't know what to say, but stands there waiting for an answer anyhow? It might not be what you think it might not be what you think it might not be what you think it should be, but there is most certainly something happening at any given moment around the globe. Whether or not it is someone (or not someone) from Harlem (or not Harlem) is not really the issue, since the issue has yet to be discussed or even unearthed at that. There is a trance-like introduction to the times that are today, and the mindbendingly difficult procedure in which to engage upon defining what will endure tomorrow's hamburger today cannot be paid for by any currency heretofore uknown. It wouldn't make sense even if it were (or if it were-n-'-t) but perhaps the notion that in fact, might be, will be, would have been, could be just that itself, means that there isn't really anything left to say, apart from the next several nonsensical sentences strewn together in seemingly endless foolishness/stupidity/saucering. Yes, enjoy your creamy filling into the cows come home to roost in the foxhole with more maggots than once believed in before Xmas Eve 3 years ago 2 weeks from now, but cease this botherment toward my person until such times arrive at the present (with gift horse in tow) which might, might not, may, may be, may not born, up on high, down on lowball, whisky in the river, soda in the can, house in the dirt, magazine in the baffroom, everyone hghghghanging around once again. Fiddlin' sticks.
Cliffsnotes: I'm so god damn full I can't drink a beer, but I might anyway.
Thursday, December 6th, 2007
No Haircut, No Mortgage, No Marriage (All Murder, All Guts, All Fun)
So I'm feeling a lapse in creativity lately, although I suppose that implies that at some point I actually was doing something satisfying to my artistic sensibilities, which I'm not entirely sure is the case. Maybe it is because the last song I wrote sucked ass and I didn't even post in on here, and everything gets displayed at yonder Shootka if I get beyond even a vague idea of what I want to do with whatever the hell it is being translated from thought to sound. Of course I didn't exactly finish this one, perhaps that is why I have this perplexed feeling going on, and have for a few days now. I need to find a drummer, maybe play some bar shows or something, although what I really should be doing is writing articles for a magazine about how and why your favourite band sucks and get paid handsome sums of monetary satisfaction to do just that. Yes, I wish to profit off my own misery as caused by you, for likely a substantial pay cut from my current job. Hmm. Maybe I should just wallow in the content that is a steady, well-paying, utterly boring career. Let me consider that for a moment.
...
Nah. Bitching is much more amusing.
Cliffsnotes: I would take marriage long before those other two, long long long long LONG before.
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
Waiting for the Sun (if the sun was a bottle of Martinelli's Sparkling Cider in the fridge becoming colder and colder by the minute because that is, in fact, that which I am indeed waiting for).
Just returned from Death Valley, and after nearly falling off a cliff a few times, I learned that my offroad vehicle of choice to be purchased this summer will most certainly be a Jeep, likely a YJ but perhaps a TJ if I can afford it. Never have I been so confident behind the wheel on a trail, and this was in a stock YJ with auto tranny no less, not to mention it being the first time I had wheeled in nearly 5 years. Even with pizza cutters, I felt like a champion out there.
I thought I might have something creative to add this time but the song I was working on earlier today is less than impressive to the point that I gave up recording it prior to finishmentation sheerly out of boredom. I think I was trying too hard. Anyhow, it is now time to move on to the final offering, in picture form! This was taken in Lookout, a city abandoned after miners trashed all 5 bars and tossed a barrel of rusty nails down into the basement of the building behind me in a drunken rage.
Les Claypool v. Captain Morgan:
Cliffsnotes: I woke up Sunday morning in the dirt and couldn't feel my left foot for at least an hour.
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
Tossing Truffles Toward Titian
Food goes in here.
Boorish bees beknight blasphemers.
Rotund peninsula equates victory.
Shameful mockery of all that ails ye.
Forchance forniscience forlani.
What the fucking fuck.
aol keyword: bn
Orange you glad I said... beets?
Posehn Yogurt
Break time, must put tent away.
Break line, must separate things.
Oops I walked away and lost my train of consequences.
Cliffsnotes: Awesome alliteration, Adrian (arrogant asshole).
Monday, November 26th, 2007
Slothroptivity
Tonight I finished another Nabokov book, and then wrote a new tune:
Hearst
I've been so productive today I'm going to have to stay up all night watching South Park on a painfully convenient DVD recording.
Cliffsnotes: Nothing clever to say, I'm tapped out for the day.
Monday, November 26th, 2007
Inflatable KFC breasts and Jewish Buddhist Católicos
I came up with that title on 10/31/2007, but am just now using it. However, I can still remember why exactly it came into being. I went to the local KFC drivethru for lunch this past Halloween, and when I saw who was taking my money was dressed as, what I could best describe as being a genie/whore, it dawned on me that the P.Y.T. in question had fake breasts, and I'm not just talking about the ones she was getting ready to feed me. *rimshot*
There's fresh meat in the club tonight
God bless our dead marines
Someone had an accident above the burning trees
While somewhere distant, peacefully
Our vulgar princes sleep
Dead kids don't get photographed
God bless this century
--excerpt from God Bless Our Dead Marines by Silver Mt. Zion
Not to spoil a justifiably blatant anti-war song by comparing it to man-made mammories, but really, what the hell happened here? High paying careers give way to terminal debt slavery in the form of The American Dream and still-classified-as-teenage bints injecting themselves with silicone "paid" for with their grease infecting jobs. I was about to blurt/stomp DOESN'T ANYBODY READ ANYMORE?! but hesitated, since even though I've always drawn such parallels of mutual exclusivity between the declination of literacy and obtuse growth in moronity, I thought perhaps I've been mistaken all these years. Or perhaps not:
On average, Americans ages 15 to 24 spend almost two hours a day watching TV, and only seven minutes of their daily leisure time on reading.
Reading scores for American adults of almost all education levels have deteriorated, notably among the best-educated groups. From 1992 to 2003, the percentage of adults with graduate school experience who were rated proficient in prose reading dropped by 10 points, a 20 percent rate of decline.
In 2002, only 52 percent of Americans ages 18 to 24, the college years, read a book voluntarily, down from 59 percent in 1992.
American 15-year-olds ranked fifteenth in average reading scores for 31 industrialized nations, behind Poland, Korea, France, and Canada, among others.
Money spent on books, adjusted for inflation, dropped 14 percent from 1985 to 2005 and has fallen dramatically since the mid-1990s.
The number of adults with bachelor's degrees and "proficient in reading prose" dropped from 40 percent in 1992 to 31 percent in 2003.
--National Endowment for the Arts
Sure Lisa, you can call my reasoning spurious, but if you don't think fake tits and illiteracy are at the very least vaguely related, please sign up for an easy solution that will make the world a better place.
In conclusion:
Cliffsnotes: I decided to read Despair instead of Look at the Harlequins! and it isn't nearly as depressing as I assumed it would be, yet.
Saturday, November 24th, 2007
Dumping Descriptively
shitpoo
frightpoo
scarpoo
snakepoo
doompoo
blightpoo
roundpoo
doopoo
spoonpoo
runepoo
hatepoo
ripepoo
eelpoo
shunpoo
reachpoo
maxpoo
runpoo
hoarpoo
edgepoo
shankpoo
flanpoo
oxpoo
flatpoo
chairpoo
shoepoo
fanpoo
rankpoo
filepoo
discpoo
hellpoo
shovepoo
forcepoo
kickpoo
strafepoo
satchpoo
stainpoo
Shemppoo
itchpoo
pockpoo
latchpoo
flankpoo
vamppoo
thinkpoo
rockpoo
shotpoo
eyepoo
toothpoo
blockpoo
Randpoo
stinkpoo
nailpoo
gelpoo
flamepoo
hardpoo
teapoo
bookpoo
harshpoo
dyepoo
deathpoo
hatepoo
puspoo
flushpoo
morepoo
plushpoo
foolpoo
dicepoo
hawkpoo
braidpoo
fishpoo
delvepoo
riggedpoo
darkpoo
litepoo
highpoo
bigpoo
dictpoo
rindpoo
buspoo
pushpoo
glasspoo
witchpoo
shiftpo
oarpoo
dovepoo
dualpoo
snagpoo
hangpoo
pourpoo
clangpoo
kindpoo
tellpoo
flarepoo
finkpoo
crushpoo
filmpoo
foxpoo
hindpoo
hexpoo
I think I had better stop.
Cliffsnotes: Why yes, I am proud of myself.
Friday, November 23th, 2007
Thrombunctuonomy
Perusing the shelves for my next book to read today I came across a copy of Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. I remember starting this one years ago and becoming quite disgusted with the overly pompous nature of the whole shebang, but noticed that I had in fact kept my bookmark where I had given up so long ago. I began to rescue said stoppingplaceholder when I noticed it was merely a piece of torn notebook paper with the words THIS BOOK SUCKS ASS scrawled upon it, so I left it there to remain where it belongs. Over the past day or two I have removed from the archives books by Eco, Kerouac, and Hesse, yet replaced all of them because I wasn't sure if any of them fit my correct mood for the next dose of booking soon to be at hand. Earlier today I finished Crooked Little Vein and am thumbing my way through more Transmetrpolitan, having given up on Gravity's Rainbow 200 pages in I've been finding myself yearning for simpler things for the time being. Perhaps I should jump on another Vonnegut, but... no. Ah, I've got it. I need to read Look at the Harlequins by Nabokov, which I will start as soon as I'm down unstarting this boog. Carry on.
I'm staring another paragraph because it just doesn't seem right to treat this whole business as a Here Is What I Am Doing Today Thing, because I would hope to think that the few visitors I get to this site do not care about my diet choice of the day, or what colour toof payste it is that I used in 1987, but rather that I share the little bit of insanity that all can identify with, or at least point and laugh toward. Who can be sure though? I am not, and I am also getting ready to unleash whatever sense this sentence might have had by hideously mashing my fist into the keyboard like so:
l;.k
Wow, was that completely unimpressive. Perhaps this MacBook keypad does not respond to violence very well, and since it is much more expensive than the Microsoft keyboard I broke the bottom off at work a few months ago doing said mashing, perhaps I shall not try it again. Oh what the hell:
kl
Again, that was ridiculous. I witnessed the smashing of at least 9 keys, heard the associated thud, and yet only two letters, both lowercase even, were the result. Third and final time, after this I give up:
l.
Ah, christ.
Cliffsnotes: I watched Neverwas earlier this evening and it reminded me of Pale Fire, hence the choice for Nabokov is correct (sir).
Thursday, November 22nd, 2007
Broken Treaties
Cliffsnotes: Ron Paul Tea Party, ignor-what?!
Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
Wizards in Winter
Plot: 2am on a work night, straight cold lampin' on the Lovesac, laptop in key position, type away without looking or thinking.
Go.
One time I went oto the mall and I didn't like what I saw. I went for no reason at all but rather just because I'm addicted to kiosks. Yes, those triangular shaaped things that tell you where to spend more money that you do not have to begin with. I hate the cell phone peddlers the most, they jump on you like a @2 whore ready to ear both bucks. Cant' you see I already have a cell phone that I hate? No I do't have / / / / hate it because it's not Hip or Cool enough, I hate it because being strapped to the outside world in such a fashion is ridiculous. Note: yes I'm on a wireless internet connection right now, big fucking deal. Welll where was I oh yes, just mistyping as must and fastly as possible because I mont even ing egieosdgl Oh sdj fje KOH FUCK WHT HAPPENED. I wonder what this mess will look like I want to be a journalist. I wajnt to gegt paid to type so pooroorororly . Whtey ... Hmm. Why not? Most [eople get paid to do shit badly every god damn day, just look at any sampling of pop s. . . . . . . . stars and then go GEE WHIZ WALLY BEAVER MR. UNCLE FESTER DUDE JAN. Wholy . Shit. Well that just din't make sense. No Exit is a great play. Ont hdng not. Okay, faceitcdhing complete. Now moving on. No Exit. I should read more Sartre. Fucker is depressing as all god damn. Depressing like Vonnegut where you laugh/cry the whole time if paying attention, laugh if not. Cry later when pooping 3 days after reading Breakfast of Chaompionoinoinionoinoinoinoinos thought. Whoa baby I can't wait to by.jjj Wheat/ This experiment is a failure.
Cliffsnotes: what the hell is wrong with me?
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
Album of the Year
This business of talking shit has now reached a milestone, I have now been doing this for one full year. One year as of yesterday